1. Money solves a lot more problems than people who have money think.
“I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 73 of them.”
2. A cup of coffee is the quickest fix for a bad morning.
“I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I’m going to be today.”
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3. This one speaks for itself.
“Why be moody when you can shake yo’ booty?”
4. Too much screen time can really bring you down. Delete Instagram for a couple days as a pick-me-up.
“Do more things that make you forget to check your phone.”
5. Looks aren’t everything.
“Don’t be eye candy. Be soul food.”
6. All of this stress will benefit you in the end.
“A diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure.”
7. Lift others up, even if you can’t lift yourself.
“When you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine.”
8. What’s wrong with looking at your boobs all day? Maybe they look good.
“Always keep your chin up … otherwise you are just looking at your boobs all day.”
9. Even if you don’t have bubbles on hand, just saying the word can make you smile.
“There is no angry way to say ‘bubbles.'”
10. So does telling people to go away, and it doesn’t cost you an apple.
“An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.”
11. Being easily startled is one of my weaknesses.
“Based on how I react when toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.”
12. I’ve got a few apologies to make for my PMS.
“Do you ever start your period and think, ‘well, that explains a lot.'”
13. Live your life like a cat.
“A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.”
14. You don’t have to give up on something because you failed once.
“When life shuts a door … open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.”
15. Look good, feel good.
“Always dress like it’s the best day of your life.”
16. And nobody is good enough for me, TBH.
“People ask me, ‘why are you single? You’re attractive, intelligent and creative.’ My reply is, ‘I’m overqualified.'”
17. Silver hair is in right now, anyway.
“That’s not a gray hair, honey. That’s your silver lining.” – Pamela Price
18. Your success is more feasible than a fat man fitting down a chimney.
“If you were able to believe in Santa for like 8 years, you can believe in yourself for like 5 minutes.”
19. “Live Life Full” – Justin Bieber
“You can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.”
20. There are few problems in life that a bowl of spaghetti can’t fix.
“Eat the spaghetti to forgetti your regretti.”
21. Remember to stay hydrated and healthy.
“Don’t forget to drink H2O and get some sun because you’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions.”
22. Try to accept compliments gracefully.
“I get awkward when someone compliments me and I don’t know what to say. Someone: You look pretty. Me: Happy birthday.”
23. Focus on yourself and be present.
“Two things prevent us from happiness; living in the past and observing others.”
24. Embrace your flaws, even if there are a lot of them.
“Embrace the glorious mess that you are.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
25. Your smile makes you cuter.
“Bad vibes don’t go with my outfit.”
26. Keep chugging.
“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
27. Sorry, not sorry.
“Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said.”
28. You have more control over your emotions than you think.
“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That’s where your power is!”
29. Never focus on what others think of you.
“Confidence is not ‘will they like me.’ Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.”
30. Be like Beyonce and ‘SLAY.’
“Rise and slay.”
31. Sometimes growth is inevitable. Don’t fight it.
“Don’t let the concept of change scare you as much as the concept of staying unhappy.” – Timber Hawkeye
32. Who isn’t consoled by treats and cuddles?
“I want treats, cuddles, naps, & exercise. I’m basically a puppy.”
33. You’re not a red or orange one, either. You’re the tastiest kind.
“Never let anyone treat you like a yellow Starburst. You are a pink Starburst.”
“If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.”
35. Make jokes to yourself throughout the day to stay sane.
“I dropped a tater tot down my shirt and laughed for five minutes because I looked down my bra and whispered … ‘…Titty-Tots.'”
36. Seriously, who invented clowns??
“Things happen for a reason. Except for clowns. There’s no reason for clowns.”
37. Smiles look good on everyone.
“Happiness is the best makeup.” – Drew Barrymore
38. If you can hide your weirdness for a while, that is.
“The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.”
39. You’ll be much happier if you take this advice.
“Stop saying yes to shit you hate.”
40. Keep picking yourself up, even if it’s exhausting.
“Fall seven times, stand up eight.”
41. If you remove yourself from your problems, they might be funny, too.
“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers
42. Better grab that last slice of cake.
“The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.”
43. It’s easy to get caught up in your thoughts.
“My mind is like my internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.”
44. Kill them with kindness (they hate that).
“Always forgive your enemies: nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde
45. Keep trying at something until you succeed, even though it’s really easy to give up.
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” – Josh Billings